the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
