You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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