Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
