If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
