Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
third nipple confirmed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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