WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
