Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
