The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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