But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
