so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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