end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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