oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
