I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
