I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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