Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
