I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
