I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
