She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
