there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
