dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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