i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
