bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
