11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
