Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
