i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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