hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
