new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
