I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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