At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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