I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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