Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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