I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
