This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
