Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
