Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
