My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
