Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
