Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
