nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
