then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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