I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
