well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
