i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
