I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
