i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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