32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
