if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
