ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
