please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
