The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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