your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
