david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
