Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
